The Hermit Shrimp


The corporate mosquito

What can be done about horrible companies with terrible policies in a post-human world? Evolution of course.

In the olden times, there was this well-respected creature called the "company man". He was the manufactured pinnacle perfect for a world in which businesses respected their workers as human beings who have families and consume food. Such an outlandish fantasy land that must have been. This creature would often be rewarded for his loyalty and determination and garner respect among even the highest heads of a company if he worked hard enough. He would pull up his bootstraps and climb the company ladder in the matter of years and his entrepreneurial spirit would be loved and adored by all.

Sounds like something out of a fantasy novel at this point. Now those who stick around are viewed as little more than "suckers" to be exploited for their manpower.

"Oh Bob? Yeah he's been here for years! He's obviously happy where he is! Otherwise he'd have left."

But don't you dare ask for a promotion or a raise. You should know already that that just makes you look greedy and unappreciative.

What's left at this point? Quite literally, "get good and get out". No matter where you are or what you do. If you have a boss, you're going to get shit on. The more bosses you have, the more insanity dribbles down through a sick game of telephone. So the only answer is to at least get enough pay to make the agony subside long enough for you to enjoy the rest of your life. (Self-employment is another option but just remember you're trading a handful of predictable idiots for bosses with hundreds of unpredictable idiots.)

Don't wait for promotions or raises. That's a boomerism; a relic of the past. Those only occur if someone above you leaves or dies and usually someone will get the position from another region first if there's an opening. Instead, find something that you don't entirely hate, Keep getting better at it, then every few years jump diagonally to another company. Never jump horizontally or you've cursed yourself to live in that caste forever. Will you become rich with this strategy? Probably not, but neither will you as a company man. But isn't it more exciting to live life knowing that you won't have to watch yourself become the company man who is stuck in his aimless rut for the rest of time when you can suck one company dry then hop to another one that will give you more?

The company man is dead. All hail the corporate mosquito.